Why Me?

Why? 

Why did I have an aneurysm? 

Why did I suffer so?  Why did my husband have to go through this pain? Why did my little hares have to experience this?  Why did my family have to watch this?  Why did my friends have a front row seat to my almost death at a young age?

Was this a God thing?  Was He punishing me for some sin?  Is it “pay back” for the HUGE mistake I made in 2006?  Did I not pray enough?  Have I not pursued Him enough?

or

Was this an attack from the enemy?  Am I Job..was God testing me and my faith?  Was He testing Randy through me?

Sure…I have had all these thoughts.

This is not a “pity party” for Tina.  This is simply what I went through and what I am learning.

I am NOT mad at God – never have been.  I am MAD at the enemy but I always stay mad at that jerk.

I experienced the most beautiful moments in my life through this journey.  I didn’t realize so many people loved me.  I had no clue my oldest brother loved me that much.  I didn’t know that Randy’s family would give so much and do so much for me. I don’t know how many thousands…thousands of people prayed for me.  And…I experienced Glory and my moment with my Mighty Max.

I wouldn’t change anything except the fear I had before my aneurysm.

You can ask anyone who has conic headaches what their #1 fear is and 90% will say an aneurysm.  I always feared this.  I had many tests, CT Scans, MRIs, massage therapy and at least 50 different medicines searching for a cure. I went to countless doctors, specialist, and tried just about anything to stop my headaches.  Headaches were so much apart of my life that I basically accepted them - all the time.  By the time John was two he knew what a headache was and what to do to help Mommy…at TWO!

Job had a fear.  Had Job prophesized his future?

Job 3:25

What I feared has come upon me; what I dreaded has happened to me.

Did I speak my aneurysm to life?

I don’t know.

But…what I do know is - we must take every thought captive.  We must watch and guard our tongue. 

God’s love cannot be measured or limited by how great or little we may suffer – nothing can separate us from God’s love.

Thank you for following me.  Giving support.  Praying for me.  And never giving up on me.