Friday, July 25, 2014

Unglued…

‘For I am the Lord your God

who takes hold of your right hand

and says to you, Do not fear;

I will help you.” 

(Isaiah 41:13)



Thought of the day: While feeling unglued is all I’ve known for a year, today my life can be different.


I’m sad because of the way I acted today.  I am disappointed in my lack of self-control.  And the more I relive my emotionally driven tirade, the more my brain refuses to sleep.

I have to figure this out.  What is my problem?  Why can’t I seem to control my reactions?  I stuff.  I explode.  And I don’t know how to get a handle on this.  But God help me if I don’t get a handle on this. I will destroy the relationships I value most and weave into my life permanent threads of short-temperedness, shame, fear, and frustration.  Is this really what I want to do?

NO!  That’s not what I want.

So, at 9am, I promise to do better today.  But better proves elusive and my promise wears thin in the face of daily annoyances and other unpleasant realities. Tears slip, and I’m worn out from trying.  Always trying. and spending the day at the VA again.

I know what it’s like to praise God one minute and in the next minute yell and scream at a little hare – and then to feel both the burden of my destructive behavior and shame of my powerlessness to stop it.

The emotional demands keep on coming.  Unrelenting insecurity .  Wondering if anyone appreciates me.  Feeling tired, stressed, and hormonal.

Feeling unglued is really all I’ve known the last year. And I’m starting to wonder if maybe it’s all I’ll ever be.

Those were the defeating thoughts I can’t escape.  While unglued is all I seem to know, I believe with God’s help, today my life can be different – a revelation of hope.  I can be different.  A slate wiped clean.  A page crisp white.  A chance to start rewriting the old scripts of past failures.

 (I wish I could take credit for writing this but I didn’t.  This is from a devotional called “Unglued” by Lysa TerKeurst.  Sure don’t wanna get in a MckMama mess!!)

 

F.F.F.

Corrie-Ten-Boom-quotes-2a

Thursday, July 24, 2014

Taken from the book “Bait of Satan”

Anyone who has trapped animals knows a trap needs one of two things to be successful. It must be hidden, in the hope that an animal will stumble upon it, and it must be baited to lure the animal into the trap’s deadly jaws.

Satan, the enemy of our souls, incorporates both of these strategies as he lays out his most deceptive and deadly traps.

They are both hidden and baited.
Satan, along with his cohorts is not as blatant as many believe. He is subtle and delights in deception. He is shrewd in his operations, cunning, and crafty, Don’t forget he can disguise himself as a messenger of light. If we are not trained by the Word of God to divide rightly between good and evil, we won’t recognize his traps for what they are.

One of his most deceptive and insidious kinds of bait is something every Christian has encountered -- offense. Actually, offense itself is not deadly -- if it stays in the trap. But if we pick it up and consume it and feed on it in our hearts, then we have become offended.

Offended people produce much fruit, such as hurt, anger, outrage, jealousy, resentment, strife, bitterness, hatred and envy. Some of the consequences of picking up an offense are insults, attacks, wounding, division, separation, broken relationships, betrayal, and backsliding.

Often those who are offended do not even realize they are trapped. They are oblivious to their condition because they are so focused on the wrong that was done to them. They are in denial. The most effective way for the enemy to blind us is to cause us to focus on ourselves.

This series of studies expose this deadly trap and reveals how to escape its grip and stay free from it. Freedom from offense is essential for every Christian because Jesus said it is impossible to live this life and not have the opportunity to be offended (Luke 17:1).

In churches across America and in other nations where I have preached this message, over 50 % of the people have responded to the altar call. Although this is a high response, it still is not everyone. Pride holds some people back from responding. I have seen people healed, set free, filled with the Holy Spirit, and receive answers to prayers when they are released from this trap. They usually report that they have sought for years what they received in a moment, once they were free.

In the last part of the twentieth century knowledge has greatly increased in the church. But even with this increase it seems we have experienced more division among believers, leaders, and congregations. The reason: Offense is rampant from a lack of genuine love. “Knowledge puffs up, but love edifies” (1 Cor. 8:1). So many are snared in this deceptive trap that we have almost come to believe it is a normal way of life.

Before the return of Christ, however, true believers will be united unlike anything in the past. I believe that today countless men and women will be released from this trap of offense. This will be one of the main links in seeing revival sweep this nation. Unbelievers will behold Jesus through our love of one another where they had been blinded to Him before.

I do not believe in writing a book just to write one. God has burned this message into my heart, and I have seen its fruit remain. One pastor said to me after a service in which this message was preached, “ I have never seen so many set free at one time.”
God has spoken to my heart that this is only the beginning. Many will be set free, healed, and restored as they go through these lessons and obey the Spirit’s prompting to them. I am believing as you read the words on this screen that the Teacher and Counselor will apply them personally to you. As He does, this revealed word will bring a great liberty to your life and ministry.

Let’s pray together as we begin:

Father, in the name of Jesus, I ask that You would reveal, by Your Spirit, Your Word, to me as I read these lessons. Expose any hidden areas of my heart that have hindered me from knowing You and serving You more effectively. I welcome the conviction of Your Spirit and ask for Your grace to carry out what You desire of me. May I come to know You more intimately as a result of hearing Your voice through these lessons. Amen

Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Pharisees

Sorry the truth hurts!!

You won’t talk to me.

But yet…you read my blog – what’s up with that?

Since you won’t talk to me…FACEBOOK this baby!

Mature too!!  I love that!  Take your drama to FB!

My Dad – Allen Light does NOT have dementia.

In fact last week at his doctor’s appointment he scored higher on his tests than he ever has.  You don’t know this because you don’t talk to me. 

He is depressed and it’s not his medicine.  He lost the love of his FREAKIN life!!

Yes…his pants stay wet with urine and has for several year because of his cancer and he is too proud to wear protection.  You just now NOTICED?!?

He has a heart condition going on and it’s pretty serious but you wouldn’t know that either.

Thanks for HURTING me again.

Thanks for taking my favorite sister-in-law away from from me.  Hope it is all worth it 

Thanks for HURTING my DAD.

THANKS FOR HURTING MY DAD!

One more thing to pass on to my brother…I NEVER FORGOT Ryan.  Even when he chose to keep RYAN away I always sent him gifts and showed him I cared.  THANKS for doing that to for my little hares – NOT.

Thursday, July 17, 2014

Brain Fatigue

I don't know who wrote this and is something I just came across today.  After reading thru this, I found myself thinking....Hmmm, this is relates to me even after a year.


I need a lot more rest than I used to. I’m not being lazy. I get physical fatigue as well as a “brain fatigue.”

It is very difficult and tiring for my brain to think, process, and organize. Fatigue makes it even harder to think.

My stamina fluctuates, even though I may look good or “all better” on the outside. Cognition is a fragile function for a brain injury survivor. Some days are better than others. Pushing too hard usually leads to setbacks, sometimes to illness.

Brain Injury Rehab takes a very long time; it is usually measured in years. It continues long after formal rehabilitation has ended. Please resist expecting me to be who I was, even though I look better.

I am not being difficult if I resist social situations. Crowds, confusion, and loud sounds quickly overload my brain, it doesn’t filter sounds as well as it used to. Limiting my exposure is a coping strategy, not a behavioral problem.

If there is more than one person talking, I may seem uninterested in the conversation. That is because I have trouble following all the different “lines” of discussion. It is exhausting to keep trying to piece it all together. I’m not dumb or rude; my brain is getting overloaded!

If we are talking and I tell you that I need to stop, I need to stop NOW! And it is not because I’m avoiding the subject, it’s just that I need time to process our discussion and “take a break” from all the thinking. Later I will be able to rejoin the conversation and really be present for the subject and for you.

Try to notice the circumstances if a behavior problem arises. “Behavior problems” are often an indication of my inability to cope with a specific situation and not a mental health issue. I may be frustrated, in pain, overtired or there may be too much confusion or noise for my brain to filter.

Patience is the best gift you can give me. It allows me to work deliberately and at my own pace, allowing me to rebuild pathways in my brain.

Rushing and multi-tasking inhibit cognition.

Please listen to me with patience. Try not to interrupt. Allow me to find my words and follow my thoughts. It will help me rebuild my language skills.

Please have patience with my memory. Know that not remembering does not mean that I don’t care.
Please don’t be condescending or talk to me like I am a child. I’m not stupid, my brain is injured and it doesn’t work as well as it used to. Try to think of me as if my brain were in a cast.

If I seem “rigid,” needing to do tasks the same way all the time; it is because I am retraining my brain. It’s like learning main roads before you can learn the shortcuts. Repeating tasks in the same sequence is a rehabilitation strategy.

If I seem “stuck,” my brain may be stuck in the processing of information. Coaching me, suggesting other options or asking what you can do to help may help me figure it out. Taking over and doing it for me will not be constructive and it will make me feel inadequate. (It may also be an indication that I need to take a break.)

You may not be able to help me do something if helping requires me to frequently interrupt what I am doing to give you directives. I work best on my own, one step at a time and at my own pace.
If I repeat actions, like checking to see if the doors are locked or the stove is turned off, it may seem like I have OCD — obsessive-compulsive disorder — but I may not. It may be that I am having trouble registering what I am doing in my brain. Repetitions enhance memory. (It can also be a cue that I need to stop and rest.)

If I seem sensitive, it could be emotional ability as a result of the injury or it may be a reflection of the extraordinary effort it takes to do things now.
Tasks that used to feel “automatic” and take minimal effort, now may take much longer, require the implementation of numerous strategies and are huge accomplishments for me.

We need cheerleaders now, as we start over, just like children do when they are growing up.

Please help me and encourage all efforts.

Please don’t be negative or critical. I am doing the best I can.

Don’t confuse Hope for Denial.

We are learning more and more about the amazing brain and there are remarkable stories about healing in the news every day. No one can know for certain what our potential is.

We need Hope to be able to employ the many, many coping mechanisms, accommodations and strategies needed to navigate our new lives. Everything single thing in our lives is extraordinarily difficult for us now. It would be easy to give up without Hope

.

Wednesday, July 9, 2014

Happenings with the Hares

My JR will be 7 in 51 short days.  It is amazing how fast time is going and how big he is getting.  aHe has already told me at least 5,000,028 different toys Legos he would like to have.  I am in the process of planning a fun cowboy themed party with a live pony and games but that has been shot down.  At this point he has asked to go out to dinner and then let HIM pick his own toy out at Toys R Us.  This is good with Daddy but for me…not so much…JR is like his Daddy when it comes to making a decision.  JR has to look at ALL his options, then narrow it down, go back to the other pile, then back to the narrowed down pile, review everything and then make a choice.  It.makes.me.crazy.  Randy enjoys it.  So Stina and I will probably go to dinner and let the boys go shopping.  JR has always been like his Dad when it comes to decisions and so far Stina is just like me – hey that looks great lets get it and go!

After the birthday & Labor Day we will start school and extra activities at the Hoppin Hares Academy we will be in full swing.

Instead of staying with Calvert for John’s education will are going to use Accelerated Christian Education http://www.aceministries.com/

Calvert is 100% secular and ACE is Christ centered.  I have several friends that have used ACE and graduated their children with ACE.  I was having to supplement more with Calvert (Bible, Math, and Reading) plus Calvert was going to cost $1,900. and ACE is $543.  John tested past First grade so Second grade…here we hop.

Some more exciting news.  John has been accepted into a brand new all day home school coop that will meet iphone 024every Thursday.  Unlike Seekers I will actually drop him off and not attend with him.  He will have Bible study, Science, Math, History, some playtime and lunch.  I think it would be really good for John to meet some new friends, some of his current buddies will be there, and spend some time away from Mom.  I don’t know if he is going to go for it.  We have talked about it, drove past where he would go, and why this is such a unique opportunity for him to have some fun.  John still has some letting me out of his site issues since last summer but I am praying against that and encouraging him to fly a little on his own.

Lastly…KARATE.  We are going to an intro class this week to see if John would like to join.  If he does he will have 4-5 private lessons and then join the class.  Once again I am hoping and praying this is something he likes and he is good at.  Bless his heart he is not a sports type boy.  We have tried soccer, gymnastics, archery, and swimming.  He is pretty good at swimming but he is not old enough to join a team.  I am excited about Karate because of the structure, discipline, and I love the family that owns & teaches it.

Stina…by the way she has officially changed her name.  I am not going toiphone 040 start anything formal with Stina until next year.  Although she tends to stay in the classroom with us and listens and colors.  She is learning more than I think she is.  We are working on colors and correctly holding a pen.  It has to be her idea though she is very independent.  Her extra-curricular activity is going to be dancing.  Did you hear my deep breath?  She says she is very excited and I am excited for her.  We will go to dance while John goes to coop.

Before any of this!!!  I get to see Beth!  Then Laura!  Then Christin!  Fun times ahead!!

 

Tuesday, July 8, 2014

“Picking the Bones”

1 John 4:20   If anyone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen.

Well…...I am not a liar so I can’t hate my brother.  I don’t like him, still love him and wish him well. But I don’t understand him.

He came back to see his Father this weekend -  4 months after his mother and his Father beloved past away.  I spoke to him a few days before he came and told him about the down day his Father was having and he should call him.  My brother blamed it on my Father’s medication.  I had to explain to him that his Father was grieving the other half of his soul that was dead and not coming back.  I don’t think he got it.  I don’t know if he called him.  He doesn’t see his Father cry as I do.  In the middle of doctor visits, driving down the road, playing cards, in the middle of the grocery store or just sitting on the back porch tears will flow and flow from my poor Daddy’s eyes.  His diabetes, high blood pressure, prostate cancer, or congestive heart failure  is not what is going to kill him.  A broken and lonely heart will be his killer.

Not all together sure what happened this weekend.  I called Dad Friday night to tell him we were back in town and he said his company was there and we should come over.  I told him I was too tired..the truth was I knew his company did not want to see me or my family.  I left it as time they should be together.

Dad called me Saturday afternoon and asked me if they had stores in Corpus Christi?  I was puzzled by the comment and said yes.  He said they went shopping.  I didn’t go into detail or ask any questions.

That’s the last I heard until 9:20 Sunday morning.  Dad called me and he was sad., I figured as much.  It is always sad when company leaves…except this was a different sort of sad.  I was in the middle of getting ready for church and Dad just started crying and hung up the phone.  He never hangs up the phone?!?!  I rushed over to his house, wet hair and all.  All he could do was sit in the chair and cry.  He wouldn’t talk to me.  He just cried.  What the HELL happened?  I asked over and over?  Was something said?  Was something done?  Nothing was said just tears.  I told Dad to get cleaned up and we will go to lunch after Church and he said no.  He was done with eating.  And more tears…

I am fuming mad now!!  I called my baby brother to see if he could cheer him up.  Still no clue.

Come Monday.  Dad was better.  Not 100% – something was still bothering him.  I made him his favorite meal – fried taters, pinto beans, and coleslaw.  We played some cards but something was still weighting on his heart.

Well….about an hour after Dad left my baby brother called me madder than a wet hen!  My dad had two shotguns – identical.  One was his…and his Dad loved it so much he bought his Dad a matching one.  These shotguns belong to my Dad until he died.  I was always told that one will go to Allen and another to Larry.  Even though I am Executor of the will and this is not stated in the will I was going to honor my Dads request.  He promised the boys these guns when they were younger.  Low and behold Allen decided he needed both shotguns now.  He asked Dad and Dad being in the state of mind he is in said that’s okay.  Allen told Dad he would stop in Cedar Park on his way home and give Larry his gun.  This did not happen.

I called Dad last night.  I said “Daddy are you upset about the shotguns Allen took?”  He got real quite and said “how did you find out..did Al call you?”  (How cute of Dad to think Al would call me)  I said “No Larry called me”.  And Dad started crying.

There you go.

The answer is there.

I said “Dad I don’t care if you gave the boys your guns – they belong to you.” 

All Dad said was “picking my bones and I ain’t even dead yet.”  Now am crying.  What the hell.

Was it worth it Allen?

Are you happier now that you have the guns?

You really think I am that petty and small that I would not have given you and Larry those guns when the time was right?

I promised Dad that I would not let something like this happen again.  Dad said “it won’t happen again – he picked me dry – there is nothing else here he could want.  I believe he got what he came for and he won’t be back.”

So…when I don’t tell you when your Father passes and when the funeral is…that was HIS request..not mine.  I hope all the material things make you happy that’s what life is all about – right????