Thursday, July 31, 2014
My Daddy called me yesterday at 10 am asking me what I was doing. (We always call one another every morning just to check in.) Daddy was completely out of breathe and struggling to tell me what was going on. He told me when I got to “moving around and dressed to pick him up and take him to the ER at the VA.” WHAT?!?! He they proceed to tell me “I am pretty sure I am having a heart attack”. WHAT?!? I told to him “Get dressed and be waiting out back - I will be there in 2 minutes!” I ran to my bedroom, found the first thing on the floor, my baseball hat, and flip-flops all while yelling to Randy what was going on. On my way to the Dad’s house I called my prayer partner and the VA ER to let them know what was going on so they could be ready.
The VA staff was ready! It took no time to get his shirt off, get the nitro under his tongue and plugged him up. And bless his heart…he was so scared and could not stop crying. I got him calmed down and held his hand the entire time. Once things got settled down a bit I said one of the hardest things to my Daddy I had ever spoken to him. “Daddy you don’t have to fight this fight anymore good and faithful servant. I am releasing you to Momma. If you wanna go home to be with her we will be alright. I will take of your little hares and your sons. It’s okay.” He started crying again and I held his hand even tighter. It was a sad but sweet moment. He so loved my Mother. I always knew he did. He has never said one cross word about her and trust me she gave him lots of ammo but he never spoke bad about his beloved. He loved her like no other. And his heart literally aches for her.
So we waited. Dad has taught we the Army way – “hurry up and wait”. Dad was snoozing and I was playing on my pad when a very nice lady named Connie came in the room to “mental evaluate” Dad. Really?!? “ Why is that I asked?” Connie said the nurse noticed Dad weeping and wanted to make sure he was mentally okay and didn’t need to go to the Pavilion (local nut house). I told her to evaluate all she wants but his sweetheart died less than 6 months ago and they were together more than 60 years. He really misses my Momma. She laughed and said evaluation not needed and gave me some info on grieve support groups for Dad.
So we waited some more. They did a second round of blood tests and I ran to grab some lunch for myself. Four hours later the doctor said Dad had a mild heart attack. There is no more they can do for him except increase his daily nitro patch he wears daily. We will need to follow-up with the VA cardiologist but he is out for 6 weeks because he had to have heart surgery and they don’t have a replacement, only a fill in doctor for extreme cases. Go figure… Dad has been living on borrowed time. When he had his first heart attack in 2009 they said he would not live 2-3 years are at 5 years now. Borrowed time my friends. He is at home resting good.
As if that wasn’t enough I called to check on my sweet Nanny Ashley who has been sick over a week. She has NOT gone to the doctor because she #1 doesn’t have insurance, and #2 she is a broke college student. (Remember those days??) I called and told her to meet me Care Xpress – I would pay for it. Once you pay the initial $150.00 plus any additional tests you are an established patient there and your visits are only $77.00. After waiting…and seeing the doctor…and getting her nose swabbed…..Ashley has THE FLU and an upper respiratory infection! No shots but $170.00 in prescriptions. The first day she comes back to work I am going to introduce her to INSURANCE! But I don’t want her back anytime soon if you know what I mean. Get better Nanny-Foo-Foo your little hares miss you.
Ended the day at Wal-Mart.
Then I crashed and had bizarre dreams all night.
Wednesday, July 30, 2014
Saturday, July 26, 2014
But He said to me,
“My grace is sufficient for
you, for my power is made
perfect in weakness.”
Therefore I will boast all
the more gladly about my
weakness, so that Christ’s
power may rest upon me.
That is why, for Christ’s
sake, I delight in weakness,
in insults, in hardships, in
persecutions, in difficulties.
For when I am weak I
Friday, July 25, 2014
‘For I am the Lord your God
who takes hold of your right hand
and says to you, Do not fear;
I will help you.”
Thought of the day: While feeling unglued is all I’ve known for a year, today my life can be different.
I’m sad because of the way I acted today. I am disappointed in my lack of self-control. And the more I relive my emotionally driven tirade, the more my brain refuses to sleep.
I have to figure this out. What is my problem? Why can’t I seem to control my reactions? I stuff. I explode. And I don’t know how to get a handle on this. But God help me if I don’t get a handle on this. I will destroy the relationships I value most and weave into my life permanent threads of short-temperedness, shame, fear, and frustration. Is this really what I want to do?
NO! That’s not what I want.
So, at 9am, I promise to do better today. But better proves elusive and my promise wears thin in the face of daily annoyances and other unpleasant realities. Tears slip, and I’m worn out from trying. Always trying. and spending the day at the VA again.
I know what it’s like to praise God one minute and in the next minute yell and scream at a little hare – and then to feel both the burden of my destructive behavior and shame of my powerlessness to stop it.
The emotional demands keep on coming. Unrelenting insecurity . Wondering if anyone appreciates me. Feeling tired, stressed, and hormonal.
Feeling unglued is really all I’ve known the last year. And I’m starting to wonder if maybe it’s all I’ll ever be.
Those were the defeating thoughts I can’t escape. While unglued is all I seem to know, I believe with God’s help, today my life can be different – a revelation of hope. I can be different. A slate wiped clean. A page crisp white. A chance to start rewriting the old scripts of past failures.
(I wish I could take credit for writing this but I didn’t. This is from a devotional called “Unglued” by Lysa TerKeurst. Sure don’t wanna get in a MckMama mess!!)
Thursday, July 24, 2014
Anyone who has trapped animals knows a trap needs one of two things to be successful. It must be hidden, in the hope that an animal will stumble upon it, and it must be baited to lure the animal into the trap’s deadly jaws.
Satan, the enemy of our souls, incorporates both of these strategies as he lays out his most deceptive and deadly traps.
They are both hidden and baited.
Satan, along with his cohorts is not as blatant as many believe. He is subtle and delights in deception. He is shrewd in his operations, cunning, and crafty, Don’t forget he can disguise himself as a messenger of light. If we are not trained by the Word of God to divide rightly between good and evil, we won’t recognize his traps for what they are.
One of his most deceptive and insidious kinds of bait is something every Christian has encountered -- offense. Actually, offense itself is not deadly -- if it stays in the trap. But if we pick it up and consume it and feed on it in our hearts, then we have become offended.
Offended people produce much fruit, such as hurt, anger, outrage, jealousy, resentment, strife, bitterness, hatred and envy. Some of the consequences of picking up an offense are insults, attacks, wounding, division, separation, broken relationships, betrayal, and backsliding.
Often those who are offended do not even realize they are trapped. They are oblivious to their condition because they are so focused on the wrong that was done to them. They are in denial. The most effective way for the enemy to blind us is to cause us to focus on ourselves.
This series of studies expose this deadly trap and reveals how to escape its grip and stay free from it. Freedom from offense is essential for every Christian because Jesus said it is impossible to live this life and not have the opportunity to be offended (Luke 17:1).
In churches across America and in other nations where I have preached this message, over 50 % of the people have responded to the altar call. Although this is a high response, it still is not everyone. Pride holds some people back from responding. I have seen people healed, set free, filled with the Holy Spirit, and receive answers to prayers when they are released from this trap. They usually report that they have sought for years what they received in a moment, once they were free.
In the last part of the twentieth century knowledge has greatly increased in the church. But even with this increase it seems we have experienced more division among believers, leaders, and congregations. The reason: Offense is rampant from a lack of genuine love. “Knowledge puffs up, but love edifies” (1 Cor. 8:1). So many are snared in this deceptive trap that we have almost come to believe it is a normal way of life.
Before the return of Christ, however, true believers will be united unlike anything in the past. I believe that today countless men and women will be released from this trap of offense. This will be one of the main links in seeing revival sweep this nation. Unbelievers will behold Jesus through our love of one another where they had been blinded to Him before.
I do not believe in writing a book just to write one. God has burned this message into my heart, and I have seen its fruit remain. One pastor said to me after a service in which this message was preached, “ I have never seen so many set free at one time.”
God has spoken to my heart that this is only the beginning. Many will be set free, healed, and restored as they go through these lessons and obey the Spirit’s prompting to them. I am believing as you read the words on this screen that the Teacher and Counselor will apply them personally to you. As He does, this revealed word will bring a great liberty to your life and ministry.
Let’s pray together as we begin:
Father, in the name of Jesus, I ask that You would reveal, by Your Spirit, Your Word, to me as I read these lessons. Expose any hidden areas of my heart that have hindered me from knowing You and serving You more effectively. I welcome the conviction of Your Spirit and ask for Your grace to carry out what You desire of me. May I come to know You more intimately as a result of hearing Your voice through these lessons. Amen