Friday, October 24, 2014
Monday, October 20, 2014
Mr. Webster defines anxiety as - an abnormal and overwhelming sense of apprehension and fear often marked by physiological signs (as sweating, tension, and increased pulse), by doubt concerning the reality and nature of the threat, and by self-doubt about one's capacity to cope with it.
Mr. Webster defines worry as - to think about problems or fears : to feel or show fear and concern because you think that something bad has happened or could happen.
So is it worry I have or anxiety?
Our Lord says: Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Phil 4:6-7
Our Lord says: Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matt 6
I don’t know. But…what I do know is I can’t sleep. Actually if I take Ambien I can sleep great but I don’t want to be dependent on a drug when sleep should come. Plus I am trying to get Stina to sleep in her own bed so I have to be…well…I can’t take Ambien because she will crawl right over me and kick me & Daddy all night. I have no clue until morning when my neck & back will be all outta whack..so here I am on my computer at 3am. She is still in her bed I think…or she is sleeping in my spot in my bed while anxiety kicks my butt.
I pray you never have anxiety. In my mind anxiety and worry are to different things but they come from the same family. When you worry it is generally about one or two things but anxiety is many thoughts, issues, problems, conflicts, and ideas rolled into to one. My mind refuses to be calm. All the above just rolls and rolls in my mind. I know that… I know that…I know…it is the enemy and straight from the pit of hell because it only happens when darkness (night) comes. I am fine in the day…life is happening but at night when everything is quite and dark…my mind turns on. It sucks. I hate it. I want it to go away.
I am a very blessed woman. I just celebrated 15 years of marriage. I had an awesome anniversary and Randy got me the most amazing gift & day. Both my little hares are some what healthy. I have full-time help. I am about to have extra & reliable help with my Daddy. I am on a new diet plan. I am going on vacation to see my very best friend in a couple of weeks. I had a great conversation with my big brother. My cousin was in a bad accident that should have killed him but he is thriving.
But….for all the positives up there I can easily add a negative to all of them. And that’s what my mind will do.
+ and a -
Please pray for me to be complete healed.
Thursday, October 16, 2014
On one hand its hard to believe that Randy and I will be married 15 years on the 16th of this month. What a fun, wild, uphill, learning, and loving adventure it has been.
This is our first picture as an “engaged” couple. I was truly shocked when he asked me to marry him. I was planning on breaking up with him that weekend – true story. Just two days before the proposal we had a long discussion on having children. He asked me if that was a “deal breaker” and I said yes. All I ever wanted to be was a Momma. He went on the tell me his “point of view”…and looking back I understand why he would have seen things the way he did. Then…by surprise on May 28, 1999 in the most romantic way he asked me to be his wife. Randy even asked my Daddy if he could marry me. (My Daddy responded by saying “You will have to fight me for her son!” – Randy said he thought it was a strange West Virginia thing and thought he would have to fight my Dad! – Luckily that has ever came to pass.) I had no doubt when he asked me to marry him that he was the one. (This was not my first proposal from a man. Two other dudes asked for my hand in marriage and I declined both – something just wasn’t right.) But I knew that I knew, that I knew HE was the one.
Looking back the wedding plans took off immediately. We talked about running off and marrying in a little chapel somewhere or even going to Vegas. I told Gertie about our plans and much to my surprise she had Dad drive her from Odessa to Amarillo to just showed up on my doorstep and said WE WERE buying a DRESS today. I was her only daughter! So just me & my Mom went to Brides to look at dresses. I pick four dresses to try on. In typical Tina fashion I loved the first one I picked out. It was a close-out and on sale! I still love my dress.
The wedding planning became overwhelming…and quickly. Randy decided we would get married in his childhood church – First Presbyterian.
Thankfully my future sister-in-law Linda aka Leelee had been down this road with a Hare and helped me tremendously. I was like a fish out of water - oilfield trash marrying Amarillo society. It was strange water I was in. Linda would be my Maid of Honor and her husband (Randy’s big brother) would be his Best Man.The date of October 16, 1999 would be the day. I had five beautiful women stand with me. Linda, Christin, Christi, Marsha, and Kim.My best friend of 25+ years Christin and Randy’s cousin Jeff.My very best friend Kansas City Marsha and Randy’s childhood friend Roger.A new sister and brother in-law! Christi is Randy’s baby sister and Kelly her husband.Randy’s college best friends Kim & Zeb…who would become some of my favorite people.
My wedding day…NOT the best day of my life. Everything went beautifully, the music was good, the surprise of my finished wedding ring was wonderful, having everyone I loved be there…but the stress…the stress of making sure everything came together, the flowers, all the pictures, and getting to the reception…not that fun. I don’t regret the big wedding, especially now. My little hares love looking at the pictures and how stinking young we all looked!
Randy took me to San Francisco, Monteray, and Carmel, Napa Valley, California for two-weeks first class. It was the most amazing vacation ever. I thought he was NUTS wanting to go to San Francisco but it was the most romantic city and best time of our life.
Saturday, September 27, 2014
Last month we celebrated my baby boy’s 7th birthday. Part of me is sad that he is growing up so fast but part of me loves the young man he is turning into. He is my helper, go-to-guy, and make me smile like no one else can little boy. He is silly like me, loud like me, but loves the Lord like his Daddy…and has a decision factor like his Daddy. He loves his sister and its touching to see and hear how protective he is. The little hares went to children’s church last week and I ask for them to be kept together. When I picked them up and asked how they were? The teacher looked at me and said “do you realize or know how protective he is over his little sister?” I smiled and said “yes, that’s his job as big brother.” Made me proud….John could never decide what type of party he wanted for his birthday. I originally planned a cowboy themed party with a pony & all but John and Daddy decided they wanted a Godzilla party. That is their new thing. Stina and I will go to bed but Daddy and Bubby will stay up late watching old black & white Godzilla movies. I love it! I love that they have their own thing. In fact they had a Godzilla night last night, I can still smell the popcorn. Plans for John’s birthday were never decided so I told John we wouldn’t have a party. We would just get together with family. John was surprisingly not upset…he just goes with the flow. So imagine his surprise when Ashley took him swimming the day before his birthday and there in the pool was all of his best friends waiting on him!
Here’s John trying the catch a shrimp. Great picture Leelee.
The next day Disney was in town at the Civic Center. Ashley and I surprised John & Stina with tickets. Stina was crazy happy…she loves her some Mickey Mouse! Jake and the Neverland Pirates were there too so everybody was happy, happy, happy.
Celebration week ended with a visit from Uncle Larry, Aunt Julie and Ty. It was great to see them but it was even better for Dad to have the company. One night Julie cooked a huge batch of chicken fried steak! It was yummy! Dad didn’t call me for food for a week! Thanks Julie. On Saturday Ashley, Ty and John were bored so I sent them to Wonderland Amusement Park so I could get some rest. They had a great time. Ashley was a little crushed because John wanted to ride all the rides with Ty and not her. Little did any of us know…Ty does not like roller coasters or spinning things but he sucked it up and was a good cousin!
Life has resumed to a normal busy schedule. John has gymnastics on Monday and all day Heartland Enrichment Coop on Thursday. For those who prayed for John and his coop – thank you! He loves it! Last week he woke me up at 7am and said “Mom I need a breathing treatment and some allergy medicine, I have to be to school in a few hours!” He has already made a few new buddies and his teachers love him. He does almost 2 hours in Science, Latin, Literature, Art, lunch, and some play time. Heartland has been a blessing!
I am blessed. I am thankful the Lord spared my life so that I could continue to live my dream.
I pray all things are well for you. Thanks for stopping by.