Acceptance…

When Mom passed away a sweet friend sent me a card and told me to expect the “waves”.  Her Mother unexpectedly passed away suddenly a few years ago – she understood what it meant to lose a Mother and grief in general. 

Grief is like waves in an ocean.  Your sitting by the  ocean, it’s a beautiful day, everything is going smoothly that BAM…out of nowhere a grief wave crashes into you and pulls you under.  No warning.  And can happen at the strangest times and the most inappropriate places.  I get up, pull my swimsuit from out of my butt, re-adjust everything and carry on.

I know.  I should just move on.  My parents both had full lives. They are not in pain anymore, suffering, or lonely.  But I still just miss my parents. 

It’s been a tough week.  My Mom’s birthday was the other day – she would have been 80.  I took her blue flowers…I knew she would have hated them but my Daddy would have liked them.  As I chuckle under my breath.My Daddy’s death certificate came today.  That’s like the final good-bye in away.  The bank has a “hold” on his account because they have been notified of his death but there are still some checks floating out there.  I have to get up early in the morning to get the death certificate to the bank so they can unfreeze the account…that could be a mess.  I have had major issues with the funeral home messing up my Daddy’s birthday, charging me $250.00 for an obituary that was never posted and…well – there it is…another wave of grief.

It’s hardest at 9:00am and 10:00pm.  I would always call Mom in the morning and Daddy at night…of course I would talk to them or see them during the day but I was always checking on them.

March is my magic month. 

If I can just make it to March. 

I have Christina’s 4th birthday this weekend, Ashley’s 21st birthday next weekend, then my birthday and then the one year anniversary of my Mother’s passing.

Spring will be here.

And hopefully I won’t be setting so close to the ocean.