Thursday, April 17, 2014

I Miss my Mom

I miss my Mom.  It’s strange how it comes in  waves.wave-03 The waves come everyday.  I know that in time God will heal everything but I know that I won’t completely get over her passing…she was my Mother after all.

I miss the phone calls - I always knew I would.  I would call her in the morning to check on her and always at night before bed.  When cooking dinner or cleaning up after dinner I could put my headphones on and talk to Mom.  Randy would laugh at us and say “what in the world do you girls talk about?!”  We would talk about everything and anything – over & over but she was getting older and dementia was starting to appear. Mom loved me and I know she loved me and wanted the best for me – always.

I think The Lord prepared me for my Mom’s passing by putting some distance in our relationship.  After my aneurysm Mom wouldn’t call me, she was scared she would I wake me. We seemed disconnected too.  I tried to take her to lunch a few times just us and something wasn’t quite right.

My Mom blamed my aneurysm on Randy and Randy blamed my Mom.  Okay…Randy does not 100% blame my Mom but she was a key factor of my blood pressure sky rocketing on June 12th.  It was the perfect storm.  My Neurosurgeon said I was most likely born with this annie and had it all my life; however my blood pressured spiking, the new medicine I took for the very first time (which can cause brain bleeding) and the stress my Mom had laid on me.

I still miss her.  I could go on and on over things she did and said that would drive me NUTS but I still loved her and always will.

I wish she was here so I could tell her about John’s new gig, about the stuff going on with Randy, how my oldest brother hates Randy & his wife now hates me, how hard Larry is working – & when will his break come.  She would talk to me and tell me after she took a drag from a Winston……”now Tina it’s all going to be okay.”  And somehow that would make everything better.

I bought her a Mother’s Day card today without thinking.  I miss my Mom.  She was my cheerleader and my biggest supporter.  She always had my back and loved me unconditionally.  I need this wave to pass.

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