Unglued…

‘For I am the Lord your God

who takes hold of your right hand

and says to you, Do not fear;

I will help you.” 

(Isaiah 41:13)

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Thought of the day: While feeling unglued is all I’ve known for a year, today my life can be different.

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I’m sad because of the way I acted today.  I am disappointed in my lack of self-control.  And the more I relive my emotionally driven tirade, the more my brain refuses to sleep.

I have to figure this out.  What is my problem?  Why can’t I seem to control my reactions?  I stuff.  I explode.  And I don’t know how to get a handle on this.  But God help me if I don’t get a handle on this. I will destroy the relationships I value most and weave into my life permanent threads of short-temperedness, shame, fear, and frustration.  Is this really what I want to do?

NO!  That’s not what I want.

So, at 9am, I promise to do better today.  But better proves elusive and my promise wears thin in the face of daily annoyances and other unpleasant realities. Tears slip, and I’m worn out from trying.  Always trying. and spending the day at the VA again.

I know what it’s like to praise God one minute and in the next minute yell and scream at a little hare – and then to feel both the burden of my destructive behavior and shame of my powerlessness to stop it.

The emotional demands keep on coming.  Unrelenting insecurity .  Wondering if anyone appreciates me.  Feeling tired, stressed, and hormonal.

Feeling unglued is really all I’ve known the last year. And I’m starting to wonder if maybe it’s all I’ll ever be.

Those were the defeating thoughts I can’t escape.  While unglued is all I seem to know, I believe with God’s help, today my life can be different – a revelation of hope.  I can be different.  A slate wiped clean.  A page crisp white.  A chance to start rewriting the old scripts of past failures.

 (I wish I could take credit for writing this but I didn’t.  This is from a devotional called “Unglued” by Lysa TerKeurst.  Sure don’t wanna get in a MckMama mess!!)