F.F.F.

Ya’ll are some good friends. Thank you for the sweet advice, encouragement, and love.  It really helped me…filled me up!

As I walk through my house tonight..it is 3:31am...no sleep again I realize that I should turn my stinking thinking around and add a photo for Finally Friday Fhoto!!

For those who don’t know this was my Kiki dog – November 2002.  She was my first dog and I loved her so.  Unfortunately she came from a puppy mill (we had no clue) and had all sorts of psychotic issues…no wonder we we were best friends?!?!  To make a long and sad story short she bit John when he cornered her and we had to “put her down’'.  It was a very sad time but we had no choice.  We never told John the truth about Kiki.  We told him she went to live on a farm with lots of room to run and play.  John still asks at least once or twice a month if he can go to the farm to see his Kiki dog. I love his sweet heart.

Back to my stinking thinking.  Being the usual positive polly that I usually am I am going to turn this thinking AROUND!

I hate that I am not able to care for my little hares full-time.  I do care for my little hares ALL the time.  Don’t know why I would say this.

I hate that I will be going along in the day and BAM…I get tired out of no where and I have to lay down immediately.  I am ALIVE!  I am ALIVE!  What does it matter if I have to rest!  I am ALIVE!

I hate that the devil stole my brother again…and took the sister-in-law that I actually liked…a lot.   Do I let my brother continue to hurt me over, over, over, over, and over.  I know what the Lord would say.  And yes I forgive him but I can’t let him back in, at least not that close.  ever again  I have my brother Larry.  Have I ever told you how awesome he is and was.  The first time I was hurt deeply by my oldest brother Larry made it right.  Larry stepped in -  picked up the pieces and put them back together for me.  Always been there for me.  I could go on and on.  Larry took me to see Rick Springfield when I was in 3rd and 5th grade.  Then Garth Brooks and every time King George came to Odessa Larry bought me tickets.  He also took me to Dallas to see U2 and when I was 17 he bought me FOUR tickets to see Bon Jovi in Dallas with three of my closest friends!  We got to skip school and see BON JOVI..New Jersey tour.  How many men would do that for their teenage sister and friends.  Larry and I can talk.  I don’t give Larry enough credit.  And his wife Julie is one of my best friends.  She is the kind of friend you can have a beer with.  Blessed is me.

I hate that I see someone with children my age and know that I know them but how?  Do they know me?  Big freakin’ deal..I am ALIVE!!

I hate that I am fat and all the weight I lost last year…I found.  My loving husband reminds me constantly that it doesn’t matter.

I hate that I love to cook rich and fatten food.  Who doesn’t?!?  I have something new now!  I am going to go to the library check out some cooking light cookbooks and learn something new.  Although…I mentioned this last night during dinner that I was going to learn how to cook fish and start fixing more fish and wow – my family had a coronary!

I hate this generation of people who believe they are entitled to everything…for nothing.  No morals, no integrity, no God, just all about self and making self happy – that’s all life is about.  The next happy moment and having it filled.  I was pretty full of myself in my 20’s but I knew my responsibilities…and took care of them  Their problem.  Not mine.  As the great Churchill once said “if you are not liberal at 20 you have no heart, if you are not conservative by 30 you have no brains.’'

I hate it when someone comes up to me and tells me they prayed all summer for me and I am their miracle.  Once again…I should know them..but no clue.  I have to politely ask their name…and then I remember.  Once again…I am ALIVE and if someone doesn’t understand why I might have this issue…well hakuna matata.

I hate that my Mom is dead.  She was almost 80 years old.  She had a full life.  She did not suffer. 

I hate that I have to depend on a twenty year old girl to help me in life.  I love her.  Ashley has become like a daughter to me.  She apart of our family now.

I hate when I lay down at night to go to bed and anxiety washes over me and I can’t sleep.  I try, and try, and try to pray, read scriptures just for sleep…but nothing works.  I have to take another cocktail.  Then I cry myself to sleep…again.  Need I say more?  Its now 4am and I have not had any sleep.  I need to quit thinking about it!!

I hate being lied too.  Does anybody like being lied too??

am hurting…can you tell.  I am better because I have an amazing family and group of friends that lift me up when I am down.