I Hate….

I know…I know….I shouldn’t HATE…it is not Christ-like to HATE.  HATE is such a strong.  But no other word can capture the anger, rage, and emotions that I have bubbling over in me.  Just go with me a little…

I hate that I am not able to care for my little hares full-time. 

I hate that I will be going along in the day and BAM…I get tired out of no where and I have to lay down immediately.

I hate that the devil stole my brother again…and took the sister-in-law that I actually liked…a lot.   Will things be the same?  Do I let my brother continue to hurt me over, over, over, over, and over.  I know what the Lord would say.  And yes I forgive him but I can’t let him back in, at least not that close.  ever again

I hate that I see someone with children my age and know that I know them but how?  Do they know me?

I hate that I am fat and all the weight I lost last year…I found.

I hate that I love to cook rich and fatten food.

I hate this generation of people who believe they are entitled to everything…for nothing.  No morals, no integrity, no God, just all about self and making self happy – that’s all life is about.  The next happy moment and having it filled.  I was pretty full of myself in my 20’s but I knew my responsibilities…and took care of them

I hate it when someone comes up to me and tells me they prayed all summer for me and I am their miracle.  Once again…I should know them..but no clue.  I have to politely ask their name…and then I remember.

I hate that my Mom is dead.

I hate that I have to depend on a twenty year old girl to help me in life.

I hate when I lay down at night to go to bed and anxiety washes over me and I can’t sleep.  I try, and try, and try to pray, read scriptures just for sleep…but nothing works.  I have to take another cocktail.  Then I cry myself to sleep…again.

I hate being lied too.

am hurting…can you tell.